Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
