I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
