TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize