You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have fence marks all over my body
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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