Do you still have your period?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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