dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
