two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
