She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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