Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
