I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
