Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
