Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
sex in a hospital.. check
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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