someone owes me an orgasm
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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