Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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