im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
