I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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