We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How's work?
Spinning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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