The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
