I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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