oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
