What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
