so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
