my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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