Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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