New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize