Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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