come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize