I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
