Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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