porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
