I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
