id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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