New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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