On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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