i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize