I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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