I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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