i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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