I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize