Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
