I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
