It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
