I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Bring me that man meat
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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