What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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