I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
