Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
