doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
