He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
