i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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