and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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