Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
