and you said cock pushups were impossible
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
