I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
