Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
