Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
