i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
