it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
