I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
