Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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