I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
