True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
