I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
