so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
