how can u be prego again
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
where does the pee come out of this thing
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
