I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
