Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
